I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
