blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
