tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Someone stole a lamp last night.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
