you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
