this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
