i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
