I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize