I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
