I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
