so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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