lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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