i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
false alarm. still invincible.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
