I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize