I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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