i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize