so that wasnt chicken after all
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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