Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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