how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
