Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
