We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
