If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
