No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Every concussion has its silver lining
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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