just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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