Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
