Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
