ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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