why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
