its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Randomize
