I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
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