Your face is a jimmy john
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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