I just cut my nipple shaving
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
