I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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