His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
