I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Please don't give away my fajitas
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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