i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
It's never too late to be topless.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
