I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
