the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
