Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
