Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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