I hate all girls vehemently.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Randomize
