you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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