Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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