Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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