dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
