Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize