Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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