I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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