Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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