there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
