He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
This is the high leading the old right now
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
