Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
