Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
