they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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