so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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