I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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