took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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