Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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