he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
