if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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