ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
