No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
