Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
