i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
