and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
