I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
