I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
