Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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