Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
