turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
