You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
