i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
