Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
