I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
