Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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