I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize