Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
