her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
