If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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