Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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