Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
