i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
