i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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