Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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