First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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