I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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