ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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