once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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